My Personal favourite is Albert Einsein. He says everything so simply, but each of his quotes has a witty end to it. Humorous yet depicting reality. Hope you like them.

# Admiration is the daughter of ignorance.
# If a man could have half of his wishes, he would double his troubles.
# Buy what thou hast no need of and ere long thou shalt sell thy necessities.
# Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.
# Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
# He that would live in peace and at ease must not speak all he knows or all he sees.
# Half a truth is often a great lie.
# If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher's stone.
# Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is.
# Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?
# Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.
# I conceive that the great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by false estimates they have made of the value of things.
# You may delay, but time will not.
# Take time for all things: great haste makes great waste.
# Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
# The U. S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.
# When men and woman die, as poets sung, his heart's the last part moves, her last, the tongue.
# In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires.
# Well done is better than well said.
# Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
# Who had deceived thee so often as thyself?
# Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
# He that displays too often his wife and his wallet is in danger of having both of them borrowed.
# A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
# Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
# Savages we call them because their manners differ from ours.
# A place for everything, everything in its place.
# There are two ways of being happy: We must either diminish our wants or augment our means - either may do - the result is the same and it is for each man to decide for himself and to do that which happens o be easier.
# To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals.
# There are three faithful friends - an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
# I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.
# A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.
# Most people return small favors, acknowledge medium ones and repay greater ones - with ingratitude.
# She laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth.
# We are more thoroughly an enlightened people, with respect to our political interests, than perhaps any other under heaven. Every man among us reads, and is so easy in his circumstances as to have leisure or conversations of improvement and for acquiring information.
# In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
# The art of acting consists in keeping people from coughing.
# Hunger is the best pickle.
# Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.
# It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.
# When befriended, remember it; when you befriend, forget it.
# A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.
# Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it.
# Never confuse motion with action.
# When will mankind be convinced and agree to settle their difficulties by arbitration?
# Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.
# Laws too gentle are seldom obeyed; too severe, seldom executed.
# Applause waits on success.
# Life's Tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late.
# Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.
# If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
# Many a man thinks he is buying pleasure, when he is really selling himself to it.
# Time is money.
# Do good to your friends to keep them, to your enemies to win them.
# Many foxes grow gray but few grow good.
# I saw few die of hunger; of eating, a hundred thousand.
# The doorstep to the temple of wisdom is a knowledge of our own ignorance.
# They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
# Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.
# All who think cannot but see there is a sanction like that of religion which binds us in partnership in the serious work of the world.
# Industry need not wish.
# All wars are follies, very expensive and very mischievous ones.
# Words may show a man's wit but actions his meaning.
# Write your injuries in dust, your benefits in marble.
# If you would have a faithful servant, and one that you like, serve yourself.
# It is the eye of other people that ruin us. If I were blind I would want, neither fine clothes, fine houses or fine furniture.
# Where sense is wanting, everything is wanting.
# Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
# Hear reason, or she'll make you feel her.
# Creditors have better memories than debtors.
# Wars are not paid for in wartime, the bill comes later.
# If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do hings worth writing.
# Human felicity is produced not as much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen as by little advantages that occur every day.
# Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.
# A penny saved is a penny earned.
# When you're finished changing, you're finished.
# Nine men in ten are would be suicides.
# Tomorrow every fault is to be amended; but tomorrow never comes.
# A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
# Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five.
# It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man.
# The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
# Observe all men, thyself most.
# Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
# Energy and persistence conquer all things.
# He that won't be counseled can't be helped.
# Trouble springs from idleness, and grievous toil from needless ease.
# It is only when the rich are sick that they fully feel the impotence of wealth.
# Who is rich? He that rejoices in his portion.
# Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn.
# He that lives upon hope will die fasting.
# Rebellion against tyrants is obedience to God.
# Fatigue is the best pillow.
# Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that don't have brains enough to be honest.
# Diligence is the mother of good luck.
# He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.
# And whether you're an honest man, or whether you're a thief,Depends on whose solicitor has given me my brief.
# Each year one vicious habit discarded, in time might make the worst of us good.
# Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.
# An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
# Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
# In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
# We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
# In the affairs of this world, men are saved not by faith, but by the want of it.
# He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
# Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
# Some people die at 25 and aren't buried until 75.
# The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.
# Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.
# Gain may be temporary and uncertain; but ever while you live, expense is constant and certain: and it is easier to build two chimneys than to keep one in fuel.
# If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
# Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.
# Be civil to all; serviceable to many: familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.
# If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed.
# Rather go to bed without dinner than to rise in debt.
# Distrust and caution are the parents of security.
# Leisure is the time for doing something useful. This leisure the diligent person will obtain the lazy one ever.
# Lost time is never found again.
# There never was a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous.
# The doors of wisdom are never shut.
# To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.
# Honesty is the best policy.
# Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
# Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
# To Follow by faith alone is to follow blindly.
# Beauty and folly are old companions.
# God works wonders now and then; Behold a lawyer, an honest man.
# He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
# Genius without education is like silver in the mine.

# Those disputing, contradicting, and confuting people are generally unfortunate in their affairs. They get victory, sometimes, but they never get good will, which would be of more use to them.
# I guess I don't so much mind being old, as I mind being fat and old.
# Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.
# Never take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.
# As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence.
# If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.
# Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
# It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness and I pronounce it as certain that there as never a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous.
# The use of money is all the advantage there is in having it.
# The way to see by Faith is to shut the Eye of Reason.
# It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it.
# He that can have patience can have what he will.
# Anyone who trades liberty for security deserves neither liberty nor security.
# Necessity never made a good bargain.
# The worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise.
# Work as if you were to live a hundred years. Pray as if you were to die tomorrow.
# For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change opinions, even on important subjects, which I once thought right but found to be otherwise.
# A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
# Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one.
# Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.
# You can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife?
# I look upon death to be as necessary to our constitution as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning.
# I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
# If time be of all things the most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality.
# The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either.
# No nation was ever ruined by trade.
# Those that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
# Speak ill of no man, but speak all the good you know of everybody.
# There was never a good war, or a bad peace.
# He that's secure is not safe.
# It is much easier to suppress a first desire than to satisfy those that follow.
# Remember that credit is money.
# Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
# Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.
# If you desire many things, many things will seem few.
# When in doubt, don't.
# Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
# If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.
# Tomorrow, every Fault is to be amended; but that Tomorrow never comes.
# The eye of the master will do more work than both his hands.
# Mine is better than ours.
# There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self.
# Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble.
# If a man empties his purse into his head, no man can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
# Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
# We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately.
# How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them.
# He that waits upon fortune, is never sure of a dinner.
# Do not squander time for that is the stuff life is made of.
# They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security.
# Since thou are not sure of a minute, throw not away an hour.
# The first mistake in public business is the going into it.
# He that rises late must trot all day.
# Marriage is the most natural state of man, and... the state in which you will find solid happiness.
# Who is wise? He that learns from everyone. Who is powerful? He that governs his passions. Who is rich? that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
# Three can keep a secret if two are dead.
# He does not possess wealth; it possesses him.
# There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.
# A good conscience is a continual Christmas.
# Where liberty is, there is my country.
# The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
# A small leak can sink a great ship.
# A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things. There will be sleeping enough in the grave.
# If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing.
# He that speaks much, is much mistaken.
# I should have no objection to go over the same life from its beginning to the end: requesting only the advantage authors have, of correcting in a second edition the faults of the first.
# He that raises a large family does, indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too.
# By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
# Those that won't be counseled can't be helped.
# One today is worth two tomorrows. Our necessities never equal our wants.
# The discontented man finds no easy chair.
# God helps those who help themselves.
# Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other.
# The strictest law sometimes becomes the severest injustice.
# Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
# Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
# He that has done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.
# Beware the hobby that eats.
# Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it.
# All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.
# If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him.
# At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment.
# Those who govern, having much business on their hands, do not generally like to take the trouble of considering and carrying into execution new projects. The best public measures are therefore seldom adopted from previous wisdom, but forced by the occasion.
# Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure.
# He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
# Games lubricate the body and the mind.

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